just a glimpse

Thursday, June 23, 2005

brave

Brave
i love her.

so nichole nordeman was at willowcreek and the person before me in line was the last to get her autograph. sigh. oh well. i'm glad i still go the cd tho. and bobby got me her first cd for like...no reason! how nice :) now i have all of them...other than the live one, but i don't really want that one. i love how honest her lyrics are. she's a fantastic story teller. and dude, this girl's hilarious! who woulda known.

she told us about this girl that she met when she was on tour. i think she was on the team that helps her out and stuff...i don't quite remember. but she was one of those christians that seemed TOO happy, all the time. hallelujah's in every sentence. just irritatingly friendly. and somewhere along the line, she decided to be best friends with nichole (yes, i call her nichole cuz it's like we're tight or something.) but something in her told her that, y'kno what, no one can be this happy all the time. there must be something deeper going on here, more than she let's on. but she ignored it. it got to the point where she would try to do everything she could to avoid her. she just couldn't be bothered by someone like her.

one day, one of her friends go up to her and said, hey did you hear about meredith? and nichole's response was, sigh...now what? apparently the night before she had taken her own life. she went on to say that just the huge amount of shame she felt for turning someone like that away when she saw all the warning signs was just overwhelming. i really appreciate her for sharing something so personal, so real. she may be crazy talented, but she's just like you and me...missing opportunities to reach out to those around us, or worse, choosing not to. every moment counts. you never know how much one moment can impact someone's life. every moment counts.

For Meredith and all I wish I’d said.

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle’s end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger’s bed

It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you’ve called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge’s highest ledge

So baby don’t look down, it’s a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He’s right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

It will find you when the doctor’s head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom, mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you’re praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed

So baby don’t believe that it’s over
Maybe you can’t see ‘round the corner…

To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it, you're worth it


2 Comments:

Blogger K said...

Oooo Oooo... Nicole Nordeman! Umm... my love affair with Nicole, I mean her music :P Hehe... started with this song I listed to on this Sampler CD from Ryerson of different Christian songs&artists that Campus Crusade gives out as part of their evangelism package. It was her song "Tremble" I think it's called... "Let me not.... forget to tremble..." it's good! I wanna hear you sing it for me Joyce! ;) Superstar... ;) Ya Joyce, you think you can become like her one day? ;) Is she your Idol... I mean hehe, Christian term :P ->"Role model"? ;) Go Joyce!

I still remember that time I was there at Easter and they played "Why" and I cried... I still do! I cry ever time I listen to it or sing it and mostly when I'm on my bed at night sad, I try to sing it and waste all my tears for God instead of dwelling on my problemS :'( Please pray for me sis... I'm having the "worse summer ever"... if you can even call it a summer, hah... if I dun find a job soon, it will be a LONG SUMMER :P I'm still slapping myself for not applying for Kid's Clubhouse again this year and deluding myself that I'll find a Engineering job by now... Sam said I would and not to worry when she was in the midst of telling me she wasn't going to work there again...Hah, I hate it when my friend Vanessa is right, but I hate it when Sam is wrong :P Anyhow, I do have a part-time job at First String Sports... but it sucks! I hate it... so boring... "Hi, hi, hi...all day hi..." and just directing/assisting customers... I much rather have my hands full of kids, perhaps their love, and my mutual love back for them, hopefully would make me forget my problems... Haha, my friend Kristen is so into the Beatles and I discovered she got the Pastor's Kid into it too and my English Pastor (not the father), it's also his favourite music. To quote John Lennon like in the movie Independence Day "All you need is love..." Actually I do have some kids come into the store, most of them not chinese and I just say "hi" to them and pay attention to them on the side when I'm not serving their parents right at that moment sometimes, but it's not the same... And when they're aren't any it gets even more boring just when I think things can't get any worse... they do... kinda like my summer :'(... I sincerely hope it is the worst ever, that would be a plus I guess, cause I would had to have an even worse summer next year! :O I highly doubt that is possible, but it seems like my life has always been a bad turn after another bad turn :'( PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SIS!

I dunno what your opinion is of me, after seeing me everyday for like X number of days at work and then when I come visit from time to time... but I think I'm shorta like the person/friend in Nicole's story? I remember in highschool my friends would say I dun look sick, cause I'm always like "happy"... And even when I really was, stomach flu or whatever it was then too, they didn't think I "looked sick"... Anyhow, do I always seem "happy" to you? Well, I once tried telling people the truth, that it's a "facade", but they don't believe me... except the part about how I'm always happy... I would like to think that as a Christian I can have "God's joy" in my heart and always be happy! But the truth is, I've faced many troubles in my miserable existence and maybe I'm kinda like the girl in her story, I just pretend it's not there... I would hope I could say or that the truth is "I do have problemS, but I can still be happy and joyful in Christ..." but IS it true? Or am I deluding myself again? :( I may be in church tommorow laughing along and cracking my usual jokes as kinda part of my "facade", likely to put a smile on everyone else's face too, but the truth is I'll probably be crying myself to sleep again tonight! I hate being at work and lying to all my customers who are like "Hi, how are you?" when I just say "Hi" to them (quite a lot do that actually, like maybe 80%) and I answer "good"... I changed it today to "ok"... hopefully to lessen the lie, but I hate myself for it... but what am I supposed to say? "Very bad actually"? Sometimes I just didn't answer today...

Ok this part probably belongs somewhere else, but I wanna try to cry myself to sleep soon so I'll just paste it here, sorry:

Kevin "Lonely Driver" that's right Victor no ride&NO RIDE! Lonely... I am so lonely... I have nobody to call my own???? says:

So maybe like the car breaking down is the only thing for sure you can call "out of my control".. it's not like I broke it on purpose or anything...

annie says:
the toubles can be a way to train us up to be a better Christian

Kevin "Lonely Driver" that's right Victor no ride&NO RIDE! Lonely... I am so lonely... I have nobody to call my own???? says:
But I always seem to have troubles... am I a really bad Christian?

(there's more, but I didn't post it, I know it is getting long, anyhow back to me...)

Yes, please PRAY FOR ME SIS! I'm so down right now... I told my friend a quote from this show I watch "Horrible will come... right now I'm just trying to keep from dying... (cue music)" that is kinda suitable for me to since it comes from a girl who just got dumped or ditched by her BF who knows he can't provide her the future that she will evetually want when "she gets older and thinks things through" or something along those lines I guess...Do I feel like killing myself? Hell ya... Sorry, didn't mean to swear (some people can be so sensitive *rolls eyes*)... but YAH.... I DO... happy? Err.. like, yes of course... but dun worry, I won't, at least I dun think so... I asked my Sunday School teacher (now English Pastor) about this before, he said, it is OK if God does the killing but we can't be the one to move the hand... that is my attitude thus far... I know I have thought of how I might kill myself this time if "God doesn't do it for me..." but doesn't mean I'm thinking about going through with it! But yes, I may appear happy, but right now I am VERY VERY SAD... and maybe I really am like the girl in that story :'( Ok it's long, it's late, I hope I'm too tired to cry myself to sleep, but we'll see, goodnight...dun worry I'm pretty sure I'll still be around tommorow, so dun go on a frenzy over me, I'm not even worth it anyhow :'(

2:26 am

 
Blogger K said...

BTW, I forgot to ask for the name of that song you quoted, I assume NN sings it... what's it called? I hope listening to it will make me feel better and not think about my problemS... :/

2:28 am

 

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